Tu Me Manque


I wish I could erase the bottom line on that picture, but it just says how I feel so much more than I can ever describe. Someone is missing from me, and I am not sure how to function without them. I mean, how does one begin a blog like this? I am not sure it is something I even want to discuss. I was thinking of blog ideas to post when I heard the worst news of my life. In fact, I had even started to ramble ideas off my head and write freely about life in Paris and coming home to see my family. Needless to say, I have not written in a while.

Its been exactly one month since my life changed forever. Melodramatic or not, I feel lost at the loss of my mother. Losing a parent is something I never expected to experience at 26. Words cannot even begin to describe my sadness or grief over the matter. I am a fairly private person, but I also like writing to express my opinion and current state of mind. As of right now, I am not even sure where to go or what to do. So many many people have been incredibly helpful through out this process. I thank you from the bottom of my heart, and I will always be grateful.

If anything, the past month has taught me that everything is so… I am not even sure how to articulate anything because I do not think I have learned anything save to appreciate the life I have. Anyone can live the life they think they cannot have if they just try. Paris is not easy, but I have done it regardless. I really think if you want something the whole universe will conspire to help you get it. I am not sure what my end goal is because I am still looking. I hope I find it soon, but for the moment I am content to stay where I am for the next few months as I figure this new life out.


I would call my mother constantly about stupid things. She would send me silly pictures from Pinterest and funny cards in the mail. I won’t have that anymore. No one will ever love me like she did. Of course, it is the big things too that hurt the most. She will not be at my Italian wedding, meet my children or be there when I need her most. I relied on her humor and perspective to get me through rough times. Now, I have to essentially stand alone and figure things out by myself.

However, I know I am not alone. Thanks to my brother, extended family, and M., I know I will continue to live a full life of memories and laughter. I want to live the life that my mother could not for whatever reason. I want to jump off cliffs. explore more countries, and roam the world. Eventually, I will want to settle down with a family and a successful career. But, my time as a wanderer is not yet over.

I am still grieving, and I am not sure if I will ever get over this. I will always miss her, but I cannot let that stop me from moving forward towards a brighter future. I can only hope it will come soon, and until that point, I will have to take one day at a time. My brother reminded me of something she would always say: you can cry for ten minutes, but then you have to move on. I am not sure if I can recover from this is ten minutes let alone a month, but eventually I will have to move on.

If I was ever just having a crisis. she would tell me to just take a second and breathe. I have been doing plenty of sighing and ugly crying lately that that little piece of advice is hard to remember at times. However. I think there is wisdom in it. If you take a moment to just breath and collect your thoughts, then you can rationalize and realize life is not that bad. You are, in fact, still breathing. You are alive, and you can keep living unlike those dear to us who have passed.


I could go on and on about how much I loved my mother and that I can barely comprehend a life without her. Unfortunately, it is something that I am not able to change. I do not like writing about religion, but I think at a moment like this it is hard to ignore God. Therefore, I often repeat the Serenity prayer. I first heard it when I went to camp in North Carolina. My mom had gone as a child, and I followed in her footsteps. It just reminds me that I have to have faith that things happen for whatever reason and that sometimes things cannot be undone. We only have one life, and it should not be wasted to any degree.

I am not sure how to end this post other than saying that life is hard and unfair, but it is also beautiful and pretty darn fun. My mother always had a smile on her face, she was an important help to her community, and she was immensely loved by those around her. I can only hope to have half the legacy she does when it is my own time to leave this world.






The Year of the Horse and PFW S/S 2014 Part Deux

Oh dears, I have all but neglected my little blog.  Life has just gotten in the way, and I am so behind its not even funny. Christmas, New Year, my birthday, PFW, and so much more has come and gone since last November. There are even things from last February I never wrote about. I will get to them eventually as I do want to record them, but I really have no idea where to start!

I guess I am starting over on a new years of sorts as the Chinese NY was this weekend. Its also the year of the horse, my favorite animal. I never know what I am as I was born in January. I always thought I was a dragon until I realized the Chinese NY might have fallen after my birthday that year making me a hare. I think I would rather be a dragon.

Anyway. I have a feeling this will be a good year. It has started off fairly decently as I just booked a job writing reviews of restaurants in Paris! This is exactly the sort of thing I want to be doing. I would for this to turn into a full time thing in addition to travel writing and fashion blogging for other people.

If I have not explained it before, I am a freelance copywriter. Everything I write is for other companies that need content for their advertisements, websites, blogs etc.  I won’t lie- it can be difficult to do living in Paris. Work is not consistent, especially during the holidays and early part of the year. However, its beginning to pick up. It is also one of the only things I can do that lets me live abroad. I often wonder what I would do if I went back to America as I have never had a real full time job based in an office. I think I do miss out on the community aspect of working in a real job, but freelancing lets me live abroad even if I am poor as a church mouse at the moment.

However, the great thing about Paris is that there are so many free things to do in this city! You could honestly go for days exploring the museums, parks, or monuments. I guess the poor bohemians and artistes of the 1920’s knew what they were doing by living here. So, why not me too?!

"We would be together and have our books and at night be warm in bed together with the windows open and the stars bright"
This is supposed to be about Paris. I’ve never read it as I am not the biggest Hemingway fan, and I want to wait until I no longer live here to read it. I think that is when I will need it the most. But, one of my favorite quote’s about living in this city come from the book:Paris 1920s           
                                                                                 “If you are lucky enough to have lived in Paris as a young man, then wherever you go for the rest of your life, it stays with you, for Paris is a moveable feast.”
                                                                             Actually, looking at the quotes in this book, I am going to have to read it now. Expect a book report soon.
YvonImage Title:    Eiffel Tower - ParisYear:    c. 1920s
I think Paris of the 1920’s is waayy over romanticized i.e. Midnight in Paris. Yeah, it was prob, really amazing and fun like 1960’s London. However, I kind of like the age we are in. It has its problems, but what generation didn’t?

Anyway, were to begin? Perhaps last year is the best place to start. Many of my pictures are on my external which is at home…. I was not smart leaving it. Um, so perhaps I will start back with last fall’s fashion week. Here is some street art to separate from this part of the post:

I think this is the cutest pillow in the whole world. But, I would probably ruin it + its like 234567643 USD.

OK so PFW part Deux:

The next show I went to….was something I cannot be bothered to look up. I am sorry, but I deleted old emails and the invitation was in there. But, the event was cool and the clothes were futuristic/ alien looking which I am seeing more and more on the runway. Again, following are the best pictures in the world taken by the most talented photographer in the city!!!

They had cool braid things on their heads that looked like horns. Once again, I was stuck in the second row- which is till better than plebeians standing!!!!

My last show of the season was Collette Dinigan, and Australian designer. I think it must be to  this day my favorite show I have ever seen in person. Each piece was incredible and gorgeous, and I wanted to take them all home with me. I arrived on time only to be scared half to this peeking out at me as I entered the passage:

I think it was the back entrance to the wax museum- eee! Anyway, Janice Dickenson was there filming her reality show and she barged in front of everyone. SO, the show was held in this beautiful mirrored, gilded room. Before the show, there was a breakfast by Bernard. I got like maybe 5 cappuccinos before the show actually started and I was seated in second row again.

and guess who I sat behind!!! She was very loud. I wish my pictures did the clothes justice, but I am afraid they do not!

Everything was just so girly and feminine with glitter, bows, and ruffles. I loved it all incredibly much. Of course, if you squint, perhaps you can tell the details.

OMG looking at these pictures for the first time in a long time, I realize I am even worse than I thought:

It is almost comical if it weren’t really sad.


I wore a LBD with a long hippie crochet vest thing and my vintage box purse, nothing too extravagant. I was just sad my pictures…. turned out so beautifully.

My brother gave me the box purse for my 25th birthday. Its one of my favorite things. We has been in an antique store and I pointed to it off offhandedly saying I liked it. Then, I happened to open it up on my b-day!

Ok, I lied. One more thing before I finish this monster post. I went to a “fashion show party” at the Standard right near my house. They showed a collection, but it was more like “models” wandering around the bar. I use the term models very loosely. Anyway, it was fun to see and dress up for the night!

All right, enough is enough. I am finally done with S/S PFW just in time for the next one.

Paint My Parisian Sky Blue


SO, I wrote the following like a month ago, but I never posted it. I was in a pretty bad mood that I am slowly getting out of. I think things, both good and bad, come in waves while living abroad. I just happen to be in a more trying period atm for multiple reasons. One being that right now is a do or die moment for my visa after finally getting all my paperwork. I am having my old host father come with me this week when I go, and I hope he can make these people at the prefecture love me.  I have plenty to write about and catch up over the past two months, but I thought I would start with this post as life abroad isn’t always easy.

Oh my! Pardon my French, really. I must be the worst blogger in the world! I have  a crazy few months. I should probably finish out fashion week, but I will save that for its own post. It was nice, and I saw a few more lovely collections. But, more on that later.

I like to think I was just taking a break from blogging, yet I just have not been bothered to deal with it. I have plenty of things to write about, but I have not been in the mood to update. But, now I am!!! So- still no word on the visa front. Frankly, I just do not care either way anymore because I know I will stay in Paris in the end. I think that is what matters most.

If I have to go home or move to Italy, then so be it. Paris will always be here. I am not going to give up easily, but sometimes there is only so much bureaucracy one can take in one year. I can always do three month stints or come back for a masters next Fall. I just am not sure I really want to go back to school at this point. It would be better for me, I suppose, if I want a long term career-type job. I cannot be a freelance copywriter forever because its too stressful. Yes, I have my freedom, but at what price? I don’t have anything a real adult should like a car, a home, or even a 401k. I actually do have stocks which I would like to expand, but that is so far off atm I am afraid.

In a city like Paris, it can be really hard to meet people because there always travelers or those who stay for only a few weeks or months at a time. Its hard to meet French people (at least for me) because its not like I am in a school or job where I can meet them. I guess any city can be lonely, but even more so as en etranger or foreigner.

Its not always a piece of cake here!

I do not like admitting that, but I think people do not realize that living in Paris is not exactly a piece of cake that Marie Antoinette offers you at leisure. You have to work to at it and deal with a foreign culture, language and people that are not exactly the friendliest bunch. In fact, the enlightened French even admit to it. For example, I went to open a bank account yesterday and the banker would not stop ranting about how closed and mean her countrymen can be. This is not an uncommon occurrence for those that have traveled or experienced life outside of France. Those who know better or are not from Paris know that people from here can be aloof (or “chi-chi” as the banker said. I have never heard this word before, and I cant seem to find it online!). Its the French way, and you grow accustomed to it, but still! Would it hurt them to smile once in a while?

I remember my year abroad and I was just so enthralled with living here. It really was a year long vacation because I did not have to worry about anything save what to wear or do on the weekends. I also had a program to rely on for friends and entertainment. Now, I do not even have TAPIF, and I feel like I constantly have to meet new people in order to keep myself going out. It was fine at first, but it just gets harrowing and lonely after a while.

I am not introverted, but I have always preferred being by myself. Alas, it comes at a price when I do want to be surrounded by people. I just have trouble maintaining friendships for whatever reason. Plus, I cannot say I am a joy to be around at the moment either because I am really not happy with my current visa status here. I cannot be bothered to make an effort to really meet more new people if I am going to be leaving in a month for an extended time. Plus, I am constantly working (another reason I do not want to be freelance!) just to break even in this city.

I am not writing this as a complaint, but more of a warning for those who want to come to Paris. Its a glorious city that has its moments where you know it was made for you. However, there is plenty of down time where you have to navigate the problems of the French life for yourself. I am not saying its like this for everyone, but it is a reality for me.

glitter Paris
Paris will always, always, always be my favorite place in the whole world. Sometimes I wonder why I live in this crazy city, but when I walk down the Seine, or attend an amazing event, I remember why. Paris is just so….. sparkly, for lack of a better word. I love it here, and its hard to imagine life elsewhere. I feel I can be my happiest in Paris even if I am experiencing a trying period at the moment. Living in such an exalted place might take out some of the mystery, but that does not make it any less magical.
As long as it doesn't smell like dookie..

❥ Paris streets at night

❥ France
I still live in the shoebox for many reasons. One of the most important being that I do not know my situation at the moment. I want to go to Australia for my birthday which happens to be their national holiday and also happens to be summer in the midst of a freeeeezzing, grey cold winter in Paris. I think it sounds like a fabulous idea.

The only thing is I am not sure for how long I plan to go. Part of me wants to go for a month and really explore- maybe even tack on a few Asian countries at the end. However, my finances might not allow it  as I am currently in a spot. If I figure everything out, then I would be fine with “starter” tour of that part of the world. Perhaps AUS and Singapore? That would be fine with me! I just am not sure how it fits in with Xmas break, visa issues, and packing. Would I go straight from the US or fly from Paris? Those issues have yet to be determined. Luckily, my brother still works for AA and I get put on the special flying list woo hoo!!

Happy Australia Day! Jan 26th! //  Vogue Australia December/January 1964-65.  Cover by Helmut Newton.

Anyway, I love wandering this city- especially at night with all the monuments lit up. It just makes me so happy as silly as that sounds. I would have thought it would be common place, but it really doesn’t. I live in PARIS!!! I LIVE IN PARIS!!! I love that sentence. I just hope it continues to hold true in the coming months.

Paris at night

I must say I have not been doing too much wandering because I have been busy working and…well living. If you live in a city like this, you do tend to find your section and stick to it. I tend to stay around Saint Lazarre/ Opera because I know it so well. Neuilly is too small and annoying to be anything exciting. I have to head into the city if I want some excitement.

Speaking of, Forever 21 opened and it was a big old mess. They were supposed to be handing out gift cards up to 210 euro to all the people, but the store never opened. Some very classy looking girls where frantic and the police had to come. I just left because I had already been in earlier. It was nothing to write home about which is funny because I always wanted one here. Several years ago I would have gone nuts that it was opening. Now, I realize it is just a bunch of cheap crap made for 14 year olds. I just wanted a gift card to get some… some boots or a necklace for a little wardrobe update.

Emeutes lors de l'ouverture du magasin Forever 21 à Paris, le samedi 26 octobre 2013.Le magasin Forever 21 de la rue de Rivoli, à Paris, a été pris d'assaut, le samedi 26 octobre 2013 pour son inauguration.

I had actually been to Forever 21 in the banlieu (suburb) earlier this summer. I got a purse I loved that looks exactly like a J. Crew bag.

showShoulder Bags - f21

Excuse the ad picture, but its all I could find of the original version of the purse as I didn’t even know if was based off a J. Crew design if you could even call it that. I think they look pretty similar though! I guess F21 is good when you need a cheap update in accessories.

Mk, this post is getting long enough. I feel better now that I have updated and whined. I guess my sky doesn’t need to be grey/gray any longer.

Photo by carodemaigret

Second Row Woe’s: My Fashion Week Part Une

So cute! Why don’t they still make posters??

So… Paris Fashion Week is in full motion this week and next. I have not been as active as normal because I was lazy about sending out my emails…. as in only this past Monday when I normally do it like a month in advance. As a result, I missed out on some bigger shows I would gave liked to go to like I did last year! Tant pis!

Anyway, the first show I went to was Guy Laroche at the Grand Palais. I was going to wear a dress, tights, and my new boots, but the amazing weather kept me from doing so as it was too hot and sunny (in September in Paris no less!). The collection was nice, but it made me appreciate Haute Couture week sooooo much more than pret-a-porter (ready to wear). HC week is just much more elaborate because the clothes are more like art than anything else. Look at my previous posts for more ideas of what I mean.

Anyway, it was very black and white with little shots of yellow. The silhouettes were boxy with a little waves in the skirts thanks to the neoprene like material. Not my cup of tea as I have never really jumped on the neoprene as sportswear trend, but I am sure it is someone’s! There were some amazing fringe pieces, though, that I loved.  The models’ hair was stick straight and makeup was quite minimal for a fresh spring look that I liked.

This is probably one of the best pictures I have taken for runway shows! It probably helps that the model is extremely photogenic!

This show you could pretty much sit anywhere….. but, the first row, I decided my best bet for pictures (alas, they suck quite as usual!) was the corner of a second row. Unfortunately, the people in charge made me scoot from my corner to make room for mote people. Heads were all in my way hence my second row woes.

The next thing I went to was a presentation for Sandrine, The clothes were really intricate and nice (again black and white!)  but I find presentations a bit boring even if there is champagne, and you have a chance to see the clothes up close. I prefer the excitement to an actual show.

SO, today I went to a presentation at La Maison de l’Amerique Latine in a wonderful “hotel” mansion on Saint Germain.

This one had quite a crowd and I arrived late. I knew I was not going to get a good seat because I was literally like the last person in line, but I quickly realized that this was another presentation! Now, if you must do one, then it needs to be like this one: held at a fancy house, violins playing, and drinks pouring! A crowd wandered through the gardens and back rooms as they admired the collection. It was quite nice, but again black and white ruled the color palette for their Spring collection! I hope this trend is not going to be serious after the glorious winter pastels I have seen this season!

This little dress was one of my favorite!

The following were the gardens and the violins!

Seriously, I could have spent all day in the garden reading WWD, but I realized I couldn’t stay forever. I chatted with some people and drank my Diet Coke after wandering the gardens. As I was heading out, I decided to take advantage of le toilet. As I opened the door to the women’s bathroom, who else but Andre Leon Talley was walking out of a stall- kind of turtle to say the least.

ALT was a former Editor at Large at Vogue, and he actually has been one of the biggest supporters of Martin Grant because he proceeded to talk Naomi Campbell into modeling in one of his first shows for free several years ago!

My only complaint was that I decided to go super casual and wear jeans. I seem to have lost all my dresses as I have been on such a jean kick for the last year that I really have no transitional dresses. I felt wayyyyy too casual for an event like this, but Oh well! There were other people in jeans, but I just felt too “everyday” in my outfit choice. I will definitely be dressing up for the rest of the events!

et Voila! The Grand Palais after the show!